


Starting Over or, Merlin the Christmas Angel

by thedoobly_doo



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Rumbelle Secret Santa 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:38:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedoobly_doo/pseuds/thedoobly_doo
Summary: On Christmas Eve night, ruthless businessman and landlord Gold is visited by a spirit intent on making him see the error of his ways.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RosexKnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosexKnight/gifts).



A clock ticked endlessly on and on in the front room of the shop, and if Mr. Gold weren’t so involved in checking his ledgers and going over inventory, he might have even spared enough attention to be annoyed by it. However, rent was due, and it was important that he found who still owed him money. Perhaps a visit the next morning would remind them to be more prompt in the future. **  
**

He stretched leisurely and looked towards the clock. _9:00_ , it read, and with a glance at the stack of contracts still on his desk, Gold braced himself for another late night. Belle would be mad that he wasn’t there Christmas morning, but he would bring her flowers and perhaps something pretty for her neck to make it up for it. Or, given the disappointed text he had gotten an hour beforehand that he had forgotten to reply to, he would bring one of the first editions from his shop. Belle could never resist a good book.

However, if he didn’t get these rent payments sorted out, he wouldn’t be able to hold onto the money that allowed him to do nice things for his wife. Even worse, without that, she would be disappointed in him and perhaps stray to one of the young men who lingered outside The Rabbit Hole, drinking their rent money away. He held no illusions about himself- he was neither young nor handsome, and the only thing that made up for that was his vast wealth. His previous lovers had made that more than clear, and Belle was no different, he was sure. Sure, she enjoyed a lively debate with him and seemed more than content with his skills in the bedroom, but if he took the money away, she would leave just as everyone else had.

Belle would forgive him. She always had before this, when he had stumbled home late with barely enough energy to kiss her goodnight, and he saw no reason why Christmas would be different. Sure, she loved this time of year, but he never had, and she knew that well.

Gold stood and stretched, wincing as his knee protested the movement. It had locked up from too many hours in the same position, and it would be a true Christmas miracle if it didn’t take a heating pad and a pain pill to restore most of the mobility in the joint. _Damn my old joints_ , he thought with a sneer. He was well aware he was growing older - he didn’t need the reminder every time he walked, thank you very much.

He suppressed a tremendous yawn and bent back over his ledger, having made a steaming cup of tea. Gold was just about to note a past due payment on the bed and breakfast when someone knocked on the closed shop door. With a growl, he stood. He was tired, he was sore, and by his estimation, nearly a quarter of his tenants were past due on their rent despite his...encouragement to pay on time this month. Whoever was at the door was going to feel his wrath.

Gold had expected a tenant to be there when he wrenched open the door, perhaps with their past due rent, or more likely, a plea for more time. He well expected to send the person away with a snarl and a reminder that contracts existed for a reason and perhaps they had better think twice next time.

What he got was much worse.

A gaggle of nuns stood at his door, wrapped in hideous sweaters that clashed horribly with their habits, with songbooks open in their hands. Carolers, he thought with a sneer. The bravest of the little pests stepped forward, and with a voice that only barely shook, she said, “We’ve come to wish you a Merry Christmas, Mr. Gold.”

The eldest nun blew on a pitch pipe, the note quivering in the snowy air. Before they could sing any of their infernal songs and ruin whatever was left of his Christmas spirit with their off-key warbling, he raised a single hand to stop them. They all watched silently, and Mother Superior pursed her lips in disapproval. “As much as I love your singing, sisters, perhaps your dubious talents could be shown to someone who will actually enjoy it.”

Mother Superior opened her mouth, surely about to say something very unnun-like, when the newest cult member, a girl named Astrid if he recalled correctly, piped up. “Oh, Mr. Gold, we’re trying to raise funds and you were the last person we were visiting tonight.” The other nuns glared at her, and he found himself amused by Astrid’s frankness.

“And...what exactly would this _donation_ be used for?” Gold asked, raising his eyebrow when Mother Superior frowned, her eyes glinting with the most unholy of emotions - disgust.

“The homeless shelter on the church’s property needs new blankets. The moths have gotten to the old ones and they’re no longer usable.” She said archly, and Gold couldn’t stop a sardonic smile from coming to his face.

“Perhaps the nunnery should have thought of that before they neglected to pay their rent this month.” Gold said, and Mother Superior clenched her jaw tightly. “But after all, it is Christmas, and the Good Lord calls upon us to be generous. So instead of a donation, I’ll reduce your past due fee, provided of course that you pay me New Year’s Day.” It wouldn’t make a difference, and they both knew it, but Mother Superior only nodded tightly.

“But-but Mr. Gold, it’s Christmas!” Astrid blubbered, tears in her eyes. Oh, to be that innocent.

“Really? I couldn’t tell by the bright lights and hideously-ugly sweaters.” Gold snapped, and the other nuns looked away. “In case your fellow nuns have failed to inform you, I despise Christmas. So you can take your holly and your jolly and feel content in the fact that I haven’t called the nunnery’s payment in right now.”

Astrid opened her mouth to argue again, but Mother Superior pulled her away. “Come, Sister, it will do us no good to argue.”

“I’ll see you on the first!” He called after them, and Mother Superior glared at him over her shoulder. He slammed the door, locking it behind him, and tried to ignore the empty feeling inside of him. Christmas had never had any appeal to him, and the attempts to make his shriveled husk of a heart grow three sizes (like Belle’s favorite Christmas movie, and Bae’s, when he was younger) only left him feeling more alone.

He settled down, back to his ledger and the numbers that would make his brain shut up, but he couldn’t seem to focus. Gold twirled the pen around his hand, rocking back and forth on his chair and staring blankly at the clock. Every encounter with this joy-ridden, peppermint-encrusted holiday left him feeling discomfited, and he found it almost impossible to focus on his work again.

 _Alright, Gold, get a hold of yourself_ , he mentally scolded. His ledgers needed updating and the sooner he finished, the sooner he could go home and go back to ignoring this invasive holiday.

* * *

Gold woke with a violent start, unable to shake the feeling of having been dropped from a very great height. Even now, the floor of the shop below him seemed to pull at his skin and clothes, and he shook his head as if that might clear the feeling. Eager to focus on anything other than the adrenaline rushing through him, Gold looked up to the clock - _12:00_. Belle was going to kill him, but to be fair, she was going to be upset anyway. She would understand once he explained, maybe even believe him, but there was no more harm to be done if he finished his work, right?

He huffed and looked down to his ledger before nearly jumping back with alarm. The page in front of him was completely blank! He flipped back through the pages frantically, hoping he had somehow moved ahead in his sleep and this was all just the product of his sleeping self. Alas, there was nothing on any of the pages, and his still foggy mind searched for an explanation.

Maybe he had somehow erased all the pages in his sleep - impossible, since he wrote in pen, he reminded himself. Maybe he had sleep-walked and just gotten a new one and laid it out in the exact same position, but a check of his supplies revealed nothing shifted or moved, and no sign of his current ledger. The only other explanation was that someone was playing a really nasty joke, or perhaps hiding his ledger in hopes of tricking him into a lower rent. He couldn’t imagine who, especially since the door was locked, but he might have been sleeping deeply enough to not hear someone breaking in.

Gold groaned and threw his head back, his eyes closed. The adrenaline from whatever dream he was having had faded and just left him with a bone-deep weariness. He wanted to go home and curl up in bed with his wife, but now he would have to redo all his ledgers and hope all the amounts were right. He would be lucky if he remembered the exact amounts everyone in this town owed him, which meant for some he would have to guess, and that irked him. The part of him that still wished to be generous would surely guess too low.

Well, there was nothing he could do but re-do the work. He bent back over his ledger, and was shocked to see writing on the pages in front of him. _I know you’re awake_ , the words read, _Come out to the front of the shop_.

This was a dream, a very strange dream, and if he believed in anything anymore, it was that dreams always had a meaning. However, whoever this person was was going to be lucky if all they got was a taste of a cane - and not a peppermint-flavored one this time. If this was a dream, it wouldn’t effect them anyway, right?

When he stepped into the front room, he wasn’t quite sure who he expected to see. A Lovecraftian monster, a Gorgon, an Oliver Twist-like little boy pleading for more food - it was a dream, so really it could have been anything. What he got was much more unassuming. A tall black man in dark robes smiled at him knowingly, spreading his arms wide in invitation. “Who are you?” Gold asked wearily.

The man’s smile only got larger, and Gold almost had the urge to smack it off his face. “I’ve been sent to help you, Aiden Gold.”

“I’m not interested in your help.” Gold bit out, more than a little unnerved by how this man knew his name. “But I am interested in waking up again, so if you could kindly let me?”

“I’m afraid that I can’t do that, not until you’ve seen what I have to show you. If you’ll come with me.” The man swept his arm out, his robes swishing along the shop floor, and the pawnshop door flew open, revealing a bright white light.

If Gold had had any doubt that he was dreaming, those doubts were blown out of the water now. After a second, he protested. “You haven’t answered my question. Who are you supposed to be - the ghost of Christmas Future?”

The man quirked his head to the side, obviously confused by the reference, but answered anyway. “I’m your guardian angel.” Upon Gold’s snort of disbelief, he continued, “You can call me Merlin, if you like.”

“Ok, _Merlin_ , so you know Arthurian legend but Charles Dickens flies above your head?” Gold asked, and Merlin surprised him by bursting out laughing. His laugh filled the room, and if Gold weren’t so confused about what was so funny, he might have even laughed along. “Was something funny?”

“My apologies, jokes about flying always make me laugh.” Merlin said once he had stopped truly laughing, only letting a few stray chuckles out. “You mortals have the funniest turns of phrase.” He rubbed at his eyes, and Gold found himself smiling despite of himself. “However, we do have things to do and little time to do them. Will you come with me now?”

“What are we doing?” Gold asked as he walked forward, towards the white light spilling from the open pawnshop door. He paused right before walking through, looking back at Merlin over his shoulder for an answer. Merlin smiled before giving him a small push, sending him careening into space that was too bright to look at.

* * *

He landed in the middle of a city sidewalk. Gold stood slowly, unnerved by the feeling of the ground pulling at his feet again. Merlin floated down to the street beside him, an eminent smile obvious based on the twitching at the corners of his lips. “Thanks for the push.” Gold said sardonically, and ah, there was the smile Merlin had been fighting. “Where are we, and what do you have to show me?”

“Your disdain for Christmas has affected the people you love, and I’m here to show you, in hopes that you’ll turn around before you lose them all.” Merlin said, and Gold scoffed. He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. He had only ever tried to do what was best for his family, and it was _Christmas_ that was ruining his relationship with them? Sure, he and Baden weren’t talking to each other, but that wasn’t because of his lack of Christmas spirit. “We’re in Boston, where your son currently lives with his wife and son.”

Once again, Gold was flabbergasted. He hadn’t even known that he had a grandson now, and it hurt more than he could put into words that Baden hadn’t even told him. Gold knew that their relationship was strained at best- more accurately, they barely even spoke- but he had thought that they were above that.

Merlin was watching him silently, and Gold cleared his suddenly-thick throat. After a moment, he gestured to the road, and they began walking. Gold was about to question why he didn’t need his cane when he noticed a woman walking towards them. She didn’t seem to notice either of them, despite them being on a collision course. With Merlin on one side of him and a car on the other, there was no course out of her way, and he braced himself for the inevitable collision.

Instead, she passed straight through him as if he weren’t there, leaving him with an uncomfortable tingling feeling. He opened his mouth to ask how, but then corrected himself when Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Right. Dream.”

After another ten or so minutes of walking, Merlin stopped him outside an unassuming apartment building. “You might want to hold on tight.” He said before grabbing Gold around the waist and shooting up to the fourth floor. They passed through the wall as if it wasn’t there, and Merlin set Gold down on the floor.

He felt incredibly dizzy and ill, and if he weren’t afraid of falling straight through the wall, Gold might’ve grabbed onto it to steady himself. “You could’ve given me a little warning.” He snapped, but Merlin only pointed to the living room and gestured for Gold to look inside.

Baden was sitting on the couch with his arm around his wife, Emma. He had been at their wedding, at least, and yet somehow he couldn’t equate the calm woman he was seeing now with the hard-as-tack bail bondswoman she had been when they met. He looked away, unable to face his son being happy and knowing he was missing it all. Merlin said, “Look, Aiden. Face what you’ve done.”

“What I’ve done is my best for my family.” Gold defended. He had given Bae a good life in a good neighborhood, and a free ride to any college of his choosing. He had sacrificed his free time for his son, just so Bae could have a better life than Gold had had when he was his son’s age. What could possibly be wrong with that?

“He doesn’t see it that way.” Merlin answered, gesturing to the quiet conversation they were both having. Gold crept forward to listen.

“I don’t want to see him. Henry doesn’t need that kind of influence in his life.” Baden said, and Gold found himself getting affronted. He hadn’t been the best father, true, but he wasn’t as bad as all that. Baden was lucky he hadn’t known his own grandfather- now that man was truly a bad father.

Emma replied more level-headedly, and he found himself grateful for his daughter-in-law’s defense of him. “I know you’re angry at him, Neal, but he’s your father and it’s Christmas. Do you know how happy I would be to have my parents right now?”

Baden - or Neal, as Emma called him - snorted. “You can’t tell me you’d be happy to see the people who dumped you on the side of the road right now. I don’t have to forgive him, Emma, and I don’t appreciate you trying to force me to.”

“I’m not trying to force you to do anything, except call him. I’m not saying you have to forgive him for what he did, but you could at least call and wish him a Merry Christmas.” Emma replied smoothly, and Bae laughed derisively.

“I’d probably get yelled at for the effort. Come on, Emma, you know he hates Christmas. And the fact that Mom and I both left on Christmas probably doesn’t help that.” He argued, and Gold bit his tongue against the anger that the memory recalled. “He’s a workaholic with little time for anybody in his life, and then he wonders why I left to live with Mom. Hell, the man showed up late to our wedding, and you think I should just invite him back into my life, our son’s life. No thank you.”

“I didn’t say any of that, Neal. I’m only saying that I think you should at least call him.” Emma said, and Bae shook his head.

“If he wants to talk to me, he’d call. I’m certainly not going to.” Baden said, almost yelling with his face twisted with some unholy emotion, but he smiled when he looked towards Gold. For a single moment, Gold thought maybe his son had seen him, but all that went out the window when he heard a small voice say, “Daddy?”

Gold looked down to the floor behind him, seeing a small boy, barely old enough to be walking by the looks of him, clutching a teddy bear in one hand and rubbing his eye with the other. Baden stepped around the couch, and passed through Gold as he picked up his son. “What are you doing up, Henry?” He asked, stepping back to the couch and settling down next to Emma.

Merlin placed a hand on his shoulder and said, “We have other stops to make tonight, Aiden. Come along.”

“Just one more moment.” He pleaded, staring at his grandson unabashedly. The boy - Henry - looked so much like Baden when he was little, and Gold found himself wishing for that time back. He had worked a lot when Baden was that age, and so hardly had any memories of it, and certainly no memories of Baden coming to him for comfort. He had tried, he had tried so hard to give Bae everything he needed, but he had failed.

 _No._ His pride rebelled against the notion that he had been at fault for their separation. He knew he wasn’t a perfect father, but he had tried to give his son a good life. At the time Baden had been Henry’s age, Milah had left and taken most of his money with her, and so it was only natural for him to work long hours to give Baden a good life. He knew he had missed out on a few things, but Baden was always well cared for.

“We have to go.” Merlin said, pulling him away and back out of the window. For a moment, Gold thought Henry watched them go, but it must have been a trick of the light. They floated back down to the street, and they walked silently back the way they had come. “Do you understand now?”

“No. I understand that Bae’s upset, but I don’t see what this has to do with Christmas.” Gold answered, and Merlin shook his head.

“You don’t remember what made him so upset to begin with? Why he thinks you are a workaholic?” The angel questioned, and Gold shook his head. Merlin frowned and pulled Gold forward, a door opening up in front of them. Gold braced himself for the impact as the angel rushed him through.

Despite being sure he would land on his feet this time, and Merlin’s supporting hand on his shoulder, Gold still landed on his stomach on the floor of his backroom. He stood quickly, brushing the dirt off, and looked around curiously. He was sitting at his desk in the backroom, poring over a familiar ledger.

Well, not him. His past self was, but he was standing there, just watching. “So now you’re the ghost of Christmas Past too?” Gold asked snidely, but Merlin hushed him.

The bell rang from the front of the shop, and Gold heard the pitter-patter of small feet running on the floorboards. His past self, however, didn’t even look up, not even as a nine-year-old Baden came running into the back room, his face reddened with exertion and anger and eyes brimming with tears. “You didn’t come!” The boy nearly yelled, and the man at the desk looked up, shocked, before looking up to the clock.

“I’m so sorry, Baden, I lost track of time. There’s rent to be paid, and accounts to settle…” His past self looked back down to his ledgers. “Why don’t we go out now, huh? We’ll go get ice cream and I’ll make it up to you.”

“You promised you’d be at my Christmas play this time.” Baden cried, and Gold felt an instinctual need to comfort his son. The Gold at the desk had much the same inclination, and he went over and hugged his son. “You promised you’d be there.” Baden protested weakly.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I am.” Gold said, before the sound of the bell once again rang through the shop. “Let me deal with this real quick, and then we’ll go out. I promise.” He said with a sigh, and patted his son on the head before going out to the front room.

Gold didn’t think he’d ever seen that much hurt on his son’s face before. He hadn’t meant to hurt him, truly he hadn’t, but as minutes dragged on and Baden sat on the edge of the cot listening to his father argue in the front of the shop, he began to feel guilty. He had missed his son’s play because of his work, and then just when he was beginning to amend for that, his work called again. No wonder Bae had been so hurt.

“He asked to go live with his mother after this, I remember now.” Gold mused, almost to himself. “I hadn’t thought it was so important to him at the time.” Baden had left after the new year, off to live with his mother in Boston, and then Gold was lucky if he got to see his son more than a couple times a year. There had been plenty of monetary support, of course, but that hadn’t made up for the fact that, at least in Bae’s eyes, he had been more devoted to his work than his son.

No doubt, Milah hadn’t been kind in her portrayal of him, either. Their divorce had been messy, and he had only gotten custody of Baden because she had been jumping from place to place with her pilot boyfriend at the time of their custody battle. She had settled down just as Baden wanted to live with her, and unable to deny his son anything, he had agreed.

Now he saw it for what it really was - a test. He had been so eager to give his son what he wanted that he hadn’t stopped to consider what his acquiescence might look like. To Baden, it probably seemed like his father was more than willing to dump him on his mother just so he could work more.

It hadn’t helped, of course, that Gold’s disdain for Christmas kept Baden’s visits during that time stilted and awkward. As far as he could recall, he had never acknowledged the holiday, and despite his efforts to make it a magical time for Baden, had never quite succeeded. No doubt, the holiday had become tinged with bitterness for Baden too, and Gold wished it had been different.

Gold turned away from the scene in the back of the shop, unable to bear Baden’s tears anymore, even as the argument in the front room became louder still. The Gold in the front room was shouting something about Christmas, and he couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore. “Please, Merlin, I understand now. I need to apologize to my son.”

“That’s not the lesson.” Merlin said, shaking his head. “We have another place to visit tonight.”

The back door of the pawnshop flew open, and Gold felt himself pushed through the door again, before landing face-first in a pile of snow outside of his own house. Merlin floated to a stop beside him, and Gold brushed the snow off his coat rather than acknowledge the angel. “Where are we this time?” He asked.

“Outside your home. Your wife is sitting alone on Christmas Eve.” Merlin said, gesturing to the window. Gold crept up beside it before hesitantly sticking a hand, and then his whole body through. It still shocked him, to be honest, and he didn’t think that feeling would ever go away. However, there were more important things to focus on, like Belle, pacing in front of the fireplace, phone pressed to her ear.

“Listen, I know you don’t like Christmas, even if I don’t know why, but I was hoping we could spend our first one as a married couple together. Just...call me back when you get this. I love you.” Belle said, before throwing the phone down onto the couch. His- their- living room was immaculately decorated for Christmas, and a dinner was sitting out on the table, more than likely growing cold.

She flopped down to the couch, pressing her hands to her face before raking her fingers through her hair. Belle was beautiful, she was always beautiful, and how had he not noticed how perfect she was before he left for work this morning? He had vague recollections of a green dress hanging in her closet, and now, seeing it on her body, it was a wonder he had worked at all. Gold felt shame rush him as he realized he had been more concerned with how he was going to avoid Christmas cheer on his way to work to even notice what his wife, his gorgeous, amazing wife, had been wearing.

He steeled himself. He wasn’t going to feel guilty for making money. It was his money that had paid for all of this, after all, and he simply refused to feel upset because he hadn’t noticed the dress that hugged her every curve like the goddess she was.

Belle looked between her book and the phone nervously, and Gold could almost predict the moment she reached for the phone again. She held the phone up to her ear, biting her lip as it rang on and on. “I don’t know why you’re ignoring me, but I really wish you wouldn’t leave me to have Christmas all by myself. Can you - can you just pick up the phone so we can talk about this?” Her voice was quivering now. “I just want to see you. Just- just please call me back.”

Gold looked down to the floor. He hated seeing her so upset, and maybe, just maybe he had been wrong in all of this. His family was suffering because he hated Christmas enough to make it the only holiday he worked straight through. But he had his reasons, goddamnit! Flashes of his father and police lights were quickly overlapped with lonely dinners on a sheep farm in front of a spinning wheel. The holiday had never brought him anything but misery and grief, so why should he be happy about it coming around year after year, filling everyone else with joy while it only brought back unhappy memories for him?

Maybe he’d never realized that in being so miserly during this time of the year, he’d only guaranteed he’d be miserable the next year. He pushed Baden away because he hadn’t stopped working to see his Christmas play, and then made every Christmas after exceedingly awkward to the point where his son barely spoke to him. And now his wife, his Belle, was spending Christmas Eve alone because he couldn’t, wouldn’t confide in her. She would understand, he knew she would, yet he had never said anything.

“I understand now, Merlin. I might never like Christmas, but my family deserves more from me than this.” Gold said, sure that he had figured out the meaning of this dream at last. Merlin smiled and snapped his fingers, plunging Gold into darkness. He felt around for something, anything, but everywhere he turned was just more darkness. “Merlin! Where are you? What happened?”

“You’ve missed the point again, Aiden. You’ve refused to let yourself be open to the happiness at Christmas.” Merlin’s voice boomed, and Gold cringed away from the sound echoing all through this space. “You’ve let the misery of your past cloud your perceptions of the holiday, and so cloud your relationships with others. Everything bad that has happened to you has happened around Christmas, and even despite blaming the holiday, you have spent your days being miserly and cruel, and never more so than during Christmas.”

“Please, what can I do?” Gold pleaded, reaching out for purchase on anything. The feeling of being pulled down came back more intensely, and a crack shining with red light opened beneath his feet. “I’ll change, I swear, just don’t let me fall!”

Merlin hovered above him, white wings flapping and a stern look on his face. Gold reached for him as he fell, grabbing onto his shoe. “Please, I’m scared! What’s down there?” Gold asked, looking up, his chest heaving with fear. Even now he could feel the crack pulling at his feet and his clothes, seeking to pull him down into the depths. He struggled to pull himself up, his feet reaching for anything to latch onto, but there was nothing there but the hole below him.

“You have to change, Aiden. You’re on the verge of losing everything you hold dear if you don’t.” Merlin boomed again. “This endless pursuit of money to soothe your pain will never work, not if you don’t value your family too.”

“I promise I’ll change.” He sobbed unashamedly, tormented by the visions of a lonely future he could see through the crack in the floor. Even now he caught glimpses of growing old alone, being widely hated by the town, and Belle moving on, unable to bear the loneliness of being married to a workaholic husband. “I’ll appreciate them more, and I’ll start appreciating Christmas more, I swear it.”

All the sudden, he lost his grip on Merlin’s shoe and fell down, down, down, plunging into a future filled with loneliness and grief.

* * *

Gold woke up back in his shop with another violent start, and would have fallen off his stool if he hadn’t shot out his hand and steadied himself on the counter. His eyes darted around the shop, trying to confirm that he was actually back in his shop and not just in another dream, but Merlin was gone, off to the Christmas Angel in the sky. His breathing was still coming hard, and sweat made his shirt cling to his back, but the floor was no longer pulling at him, which he took as the blessing it was.

Once he was sure he had his bearings, he stood and gulped down a large cup of water, partially hoping the cold shock would chase off the last remnants of his awful, terrible dream. He settled back in his chair, his ledger (thankfully back to rights) still open in front of him. A quick glance at the clock revealed it to only be 9:30, and he idly wondered how it had been so short a time in what felt like a very long dream.

There were messages blinking on the machine, and he was at turns horrified and unsurprised to find they were the same ones Belle had left him in his dream, down to the word. Before his ledger could tempt him and he undid all the progress he had just made, Gold stood and snatched his coat from the rack.

Before he locked the store, he ventured over to his selection of rare books. He was well aware that nothing he had gotten Belle for Christmas would rival one of these, and she deserved the world and more from him. He smiled as he pulled out a 2nd edition copy of _A Christmas Carol_ \- Belle wouldn’t see the humor in his choice, but she would enjoy it nonetheless, and this way he would always have a reminder of this night close at heart.

It felt strange to be stepping out of his shop when there was still work begging to be done, but he was determined not to go back inside and finish. He made a promise to himself, and by god, he was going to keep it. Gold stepped away and limped down the street towards his home, surely shocking the good townspeople by nodding and wishing those who passed him a Merry Christmas. He had already spent too long hating this holiday, and while the thought of Christmas still brought back painful memories, it wasn’t too late for him to make new ones.

He would’ve run home if his leg had permitted it, but as such had to settle for a very brisk walk. Even that felt too slow, even though Gold knew his knee would be screaming come morning. He couldn’t wait to get in his house and out of the cold, into the warm arms of his beautiful wife, his Belle. She would forgive him eventually, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be doing a bit of groveling. Considering he almost left her all alone for their first Christmas, he would be shocked if he weren’t banished to the couch until New Year’s. Not that he wouldn’t take that gladly- that was the least she deserved.

Gold was almost at his front door when he remembered that Belle was not the only one who deserved an apology from him. He couldn’t believe it had slipped his mind, and he had his phone in his hand in an instant. Praying that Baden would pick up, Gold dialed his number and waited, sitting down on the porch step and trying not to jiggle his foot.

A lead ball settled in his stomach and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as the phone rang on and on. Perhaps Bae knew who was calling and wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of declining the call. Gold’s palms were getting so sweaty, he feared he would drop the phone before Bae could even answer - if he would answer.

The line picked up with a click and Baden said jovially, “Hello?”

His son didn’t have his number. If he had, surely his call would have been rejected or just left to go to the machine. The thought made Gold’s heart sink, and he barely noticed that he had left the line silent for a few seconds. “Hello?” Baden asked again, suspicion in his voice now.

“Baden.” Gold breathed out, barely able to talk past the lump in his throat. He heard his son’s indrawn breath clear as day over the line.

“Dad.” He said, his voice gone flat in under a second. “What do you want?”

Gold could almost weep for the distance he had put between himself and his son, all in the name of a ‘good life’ for Baden. Instead of focusing on the past and letting the bad memories pull him under again, Gold steamed ahead. This relationship would never heal if he didn’t apologize for pushing his son away, even if he had done it unintentionally. After a second’s pause, he blurted, “Merry Christmas, son,” cringing at the blase way it had come out.

This time, the scoff was unmistakable. In an effort to make sure Baden didn’t just hang up on him, destroying his only chance to get this right, Gold spoke again. “Listen, I know I haven’t been a good father, and I’m not asking for your forgiveness or for you to let me back in your life. I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for the choices I’ve made.”

“Where is this coming from, Dad?” Baden asked, and suddenly his voice took on more urgency and worry. “Are you dying?”

A chuckle bubbled out of him. Gold answered, “No, I just...I was thinking a lot about our relationship, and I thought it was high time I apologized.”

Baden didn’t say anything, and despite his better judgement, Gold risked saying, “Listen, I’m going to be in Boston in a month or so, and I’d really like to see you. If you want to, of course.”

The line was silent, and Gold almost feared that Bae had hung up on him. Bile rose in his throat as the seconds dragged on with no response, and he mentally castigated himself for pushing too far too fast. Relief flooded him as Baden answered, “I’ll think about it, and that’s all I’m promising.” He paused, surely ready to hang up, but after another moment added, “Merry Christmas, Dad.”

The phone clicked then, replaced with a dial tone, and Gold took that as a victory. It wasn’t a relationship by any means, but it was leagues better than what they would have had if Merlin hadn’t intervened and shown Gold what he was missing.

 _One apology down, one to go._ He thought to himself, climbing to his feet with a wince as his knee locked. He eased the door open, bracing himself for anything.

To his surprise, Belle wasn’t waiting for him in the front room, and there was no sound at all from inside the house. He clutched the book to his chest and crept into the living room, amused and saddened to see Belle asleep on the couch. Setting the book down with a quiet thud on the coffee table, he crouched beside her and gently shook her awake. “Belle, sweetheart, wake up.”

Belle looked around, bleary-eyed, before focusing on him. “Aiden? What time is it?” She asked sleepily, her words punctuated by a large yawn. It was evident she was confused, and he smiled as he brushed her hair back from her face. God, she looked gorgeous, and he fought to keep himself focused.

After a moment, he realized she had asked a question and glanced up towards the clock. “It’s almost 10:00, love.” Gold answered, and she sat up hastily, her eyes going cold and flinty as ice in a moment.

“I suppose your work’s finally done then.” She guessed, her tone layered with anger and disappointment and a bone-deep weariness he was only beginning to understand.

“No, but-” Before he could get his whole explanation (and apology) out, Belle had shot up off the couch, her arms crossed as she went over to the window.

“Well, I’d hate for anything as silly as your wife to keep you from your work.” Belle said derisively. “If you have work to do, don’t let me stop you.” He stood up and moved towards her, laying kisses on her (deliciously-exposed) neck and shoulders. Gold could feel her shaking under his arms, and for just a second she leaned into his embrace before exploding. “No, you don’t get to come in here with your puppy-dog eyes and your kisses and expect to make it all better.”

“I’m not asking for you to forgive me, Belle.” Gold said quietly, lipping softly at the shell of her ear and desperately ignoring the way she shivered as his warm breath tickled her. “I know I’m wrong, and all I’m trying to do is say I’m sorry.” He tried to placate her, but it was obvious this was a problem that had been building right under his nose. This night had been the tipping point for her and no attempts at an apology were going to stop her now.

“I am _tired_ of being in a relationship with your answering machine, Aiden! All I wanted was for us to spend this holiday together and once again I had to take a back seat to your work! God, you wouldn’t even answer my phone calls.” Belle’s eyes were swimming with tears now, and her yelling gave way to a broken whisper. “Do - do you not want me anymore?”

“No, Belle, no, don’t think that, never that.” Gold pleaded, stepping forward to cradle her face in his hands. “Believe me, dearest, I want you.” His eyes darted down to her dress which so perfectly hugged her hips, and miracle that she was, she smiled weakly at that. “This has nothing to do with you, I swear. The fault is all mine.”

“I just want to understand why.” Belle whispered, but given how close they were, she might as well have shouted it.

“Why what?”

“Why you stay at work all the time. Why you work so hard when you have more money than anyone in this town.” Belle answered. Gold swallowed, trying to put the desperation that had started when he was young and only grew as he did into words.

“I just wanted to make you happy, and I know I’ve failed you. I promise, I swear on my own life, I will not let it go on the way it has been.” Gold said, pressing his forehead to hers as if somehow that would communicate his sincerity more effectively.

“You’ve made me promises before.” She cried, pulling away from him and swiping at her eyes. “And you’ve always found a way to break them, Why should I trust you now, Aiden? How can I when you leave me here alone on Christmas Eve and don’t even stop working to take my phone calls?”

“I know, sweetheart, and believe me, I wish I could change it.” Gold pleaded, and Belle looked at him through tear-brimmed eyes as he pulled her closer. “I know I’ve abused your trust time and time again, and I don’t expect you to forgive me right away. But I’m asking for your trust one last time - I promise I will change.”

She didn’t reply, and he began to think he had lost her forever. All she did was bury her face in his suit jacket, shoulders quivering under his hands. He was halfway between pleading nonsensically and considering dropping to the floor on his knees to properly beg her for another, one more, chance, when she spoke again. “Why now? What brought this about, because if you’re changing for me -”

“No. I’m changing for me, for the both of us.” He asserted, and god, her smile turned brighter than a 100-watt lightbulb. No doubt she would understand if he explained his dream, but he was tired and so settled for the simplest explanation. “I had a dream, and after I woke up, I realized that my disdain for Christmas and my miserly ways were only making me and the people I loved miserable. I don’t want to be miserable anymore.”

Belle let out a choked sob and pressed her lips to his, delving her tongue into his mouth the moment he opened it. As soon as he pulled away for air, she said, “Believe me, I am happy, Aiden. I love you so much, and I’m still a little miffed, but I trust you. I believe you.”

Instead of words, he bent down and captured her mouth again, trying to pour all the gratitude and love he was feeling into his kisses. Belle responded in kind, moving her soft lips over hers and tangling her fingers in his hair. His hands, which had been on her waist, wandered down and squeezed the plump flesh of her bottom, and the shock caused her to sink her teeth into his bottom lip. He groaned with approval, pulling her hips to his and letting her feel just how much he wanted her.

After another moment, another glorious moment, she pulled away, her eyes dark with desire. He let out a whine he would deny in the morning when she pushed out of his arms and bent underneath the tree to grab a gift. He was _very_ interested in continuing their current pursuit, and as she stood, small box in hand, he plastered himself against her back, minutely thrusting his hips into her bottom. “Stop, you insatiable man!” Belle said laughingly. “I have to give you this.”

“Isn’t it traditional to wait until Christmas morning?” He said, waggling his eyebrows. “We still have a couple hours to do whatever we please.” Belle pulled him down to the couch beside her, and it was oh so tempting to lean in and worship her neck, but she had said no and now she was holding the box out to him.

He stuck his tongue out at her, causing her to let out a string of giggles, and opened the box in his hands.

At first he couldn’t quite understand what he was seeing. It didn’t help that Belle had gone completely quiet, only smiling brightly when he looked up at her. Only the bright blue plus sign in a little window caught his attention, and as the realization came to him, he dropped the box on the coffee table and pulled Belle to him.

“Surprise.” She said laughing, but he was too overcome with joy to join her. They were going to have a _baby_. “I’m about two months along - no morning sickness made it a late discovery.”

“Oh, Belle.” He said, before he couldn’t say anything more past the lump in his throat. He petted her stomach through her dress, pressing his forehead to the fabric and imagining a baby, his baby, growing inside of her. Above him, he could hear the sound of Belle crying, this time tears of joy. “I’m so happy.”

She pulled him up, pressing her lips to his tenderly as his hands went to her stomach. “Merry Christmas.” She whispered against his lips.

“It certainly is.”


End file.
